Meet the Stress Monkey

You must have seen him before! Dressed in a suit as crushed as a prom dress because it spends most time at the bottom of that overnight bag when it falls off the flimsy hanger and gets trodden by the shoes that he has stuffed in the bottom!!

That 1 inch strap that is digging into his shoulder is exerting the same pressure as a VW bug! He actually looks like he has been driven over as he runs for his flight trying to keep those little wheels on the ground!

He has an ulcer from sitting in traffic looking at the clock, as he forgets how long it takes from satellite parking, speeding along like he just had two cups of coffee and a bran muffin!

His bag is always tagged for extra screening, and then waiting in that security line like he was queuing up for tickets to The Beatles Reunion! All the time he is frantically worrying that he will not make the flight, the meeting, the cut!  

And all for what? So he could lie in bed an extra 20 mins! He booked a 10am flight and thought he’d leave the house at 830!

Where has he been for the last few years? He is back in the old school – when you turned up 10 mins before the flight left and just ran to the gate without an x-ray in sight! Then you schmoozed the friendly staff to lugging all your bags on board, settled down for a free whisky and a great meal with (dare a remind you) a real metal fork! Wake up and smell the security guard buddy!

That’s right! Everything has changed. Security is tight... as a Scotsman! lines are long, there are fewer staff to screen every bag, and you are bound to be called out for that extra pat down ("and now cough please!"). 

However, I can show you how it can all still be the most relaxing part of your life if you remember that you don’t have to catch the plane, your bag does!

Don't travel light! Pack everything you need to make the trip relaxing and check it all. You know that you don’t look good coming out of a roll-on suit carrier! But remember that it is your luggage that has to physically be in the airport door a full hour before you personally have to step on the plane!

The New Aged Traveler knows that to catch a 9am flight, one's bag has to be there at 8, and so they leave the house at 11 ... pm - the night before! Go get a great night’s sleep at the airport hotel and beat the morning traffic and the stress of the commute!

Or even better, schedule a lunchtime meeting so you can take the mid-morning flight and arrive at the airport uncrushed and stress free. 

Check it curb-side or use the e-ticket machine, and then you can wait in the line listening to your music, sipping your Starbucks, leafing through the morning paper without any bags to worry about. Just get used to the fact that you are always going to have some waiting time in the lounge - but you are free to have breakfast, read the magazines, and make some morning calls! I will tell you later why these calls might be the most effective you make.

Remember that ‘The early worm catches the fish’!

When your flight is called, don't get in line - get ready for some real entertainment! The circus is about to begin (got popcorn?) Take a seat and watch as the Ring master announces 'We would like to pre-board the stress monkeys now!'

©2000-2005 JB