Advice for New Wind
Don’t
bottle it inside you. Express
yourself! Be proud!
Start small, and just perform for close friends. Maybe you could start a support group and help each other along. Practice by yourself until you are ready to come out of the closet!
A good place to make a break is the
family picnic! Sit close to an older member of the family (or the dog),
and wait until they have fallen asleep. Sneak in, perform quietly and then
get the hell out of there! Hang back and wait a little to see how it goes. Only
if you get a standing ovation should you step up and claim it as your
own!
‘It was me! I can’t deny it! Grampa was an inspiration I admit, but I decided to go out alone and I believe with your support and encouragement I can make it through college!'
Did
your old school not just awarded an PhD?
We actually refer to it as a PhhhhhhD, and most of the real talented are still Bachelors (of F.Arts) for some reason! Well I have always said that the only advantage is marriage is that you don't have to get out of bed to pass gas!
My award was honorary, after I made a rather healthy contribution to their library! The funny thing is that it wasn’t really planned! I was doing some research there - nose in the books (for a change), when it struck like a lightening bolt! Thunderous! It got the attention of the whole campus!
There is a little brass plaque marking the spot - slightly tarnished (oh will you just listen to me boast!) Actually they have to put up a security fence recently to stop people from wondering through and ruining the enjoyment for those who come to dwell there!
Yes, it is been vandalized by a group of philistines. Bloody Aerosols! No aerosol cans- that's what they use! Cinnamon spring - how artificial! Give me the fresh taste that the Good Lord gave us.
Do
you have anything in the works right now to inspire our audience out
there? Any ongoing project that we might get a quick sneak at.
Och, I shouldn’t really. Not with all these camera around. But well, completely off the record mind you. I’ve got a wee something here, wait a moment, wait. [Phhhhhd] Ahhhhh. What do you think of that?
Wait until you get the full force. Here I'll shake my sporran to waft it over a wee bit, but I really don't want to rush a work in progress mind. Oh wait, here's a little more. Ahhhhh! I not quite sure about the ending, and some of the hues are all wrong, but ....
Michael [fanning himself with his notes] Oh dear God its powerful alright! Ohhh - its just too much for me right now.
There we have it viewers, I wish you could just get a whiff of this one! Oh my goodness! [standing up] I will have to go now. The cameraman has passed out! This is Michael ... thanking ... phewwwww (blowing) ..... our guest tonight a true master of his art! GET THIS MICROPHONE OFF ME!! OPEN A BLOODY WINDOW HARRY. HARRY? SIMON PICK HARRY UP AND STICK HIS HEAD OUT OF THE WINDOW!! NOOOO! OPEN IT FIRST. ACTUALLY BASH MY HEAD AGAINST THE GLASS AS WELL!!
[Gasping] SOMEONE GET THE DOCTOR .... UP OFF THE FLOOR! DOES ANYONE KNOW
THE HEIMLICH? QUICK GIVE IT TO ME I THINK I JUST SWALLOWED SOME!
[Falling to his knees] HELP! PLEASE!
[choking sound] MR McEWAN ARE YOU SMILING! HE'S LAUGHING! THE BUGGERS ACTUALLY LAUGHING! AGH! AGH! [Sound of head hitting floor.]