Auditions and Membership

"Freedom and heuchin' gang the gither. Tak aff your dram!"
                                                                                                     Robert H. Burns

So you want to be a member? Ah your blood is worth bottling!

I must tell you that the ceremony is secret, humiliating and involves arterial bleeding with a rusty dirk. Your sporran will be doused in cheap cooking whisky and set on fire (while you are in mid-fling!)

You will be forced to smear raw haggis on your naked body, eat a whole set of bagpipes (case not included) and denounce your family, your faith, your country of birth and Jimmy Shand. These are the only parts I can talk about in public – the rest being a secret, humiliating ceremony that involves arterial bleeding.

However, having survived this 4-day ordeal, and passed according to the adjudicator, you will be asked to submit a sound file of your heuchs to be put up on this website.

Click here to hear the Great Highland Heuch from our archives. This is a Heuch performed by Shuggie McHeuch of Harris who Heuched for Scotland in the 1947 Olympic Games (in a pub in Buckie). He was the first to multitask with a Heuch in mid-birl. 

The T Shirt

Then get opportunity to wear Heuch T-shirt at next dance – as long as keep heuching while wearing it! 

 

The Heuch Quaich

The Heuch Quaich is awarded annually for the best Heucher of the year in each chapter. Once you are awarded the Quaich you cannot get off the mailing list that is circulated to every knitting and tartan lingerie catalogue.

It is traditional for the local Heuch chapter to make these awards during its Burns supper. In the true heuching spirit, we tend to have a little more fun than your conventional Burns evening - more pipes and fewer drones! One fun addition is the address to the Englishman and his reply.  Our chapter is very fortunate in having a fine example from Southern Scotland. Click below to read one of his famed recitations and a makeshift 'Address to the tin of Haggis' when the real McCoy could not be found! 

Click here for more on our Chapters Burns Night and read some of the speeches.

Or, now you know all about the Heuch, it is time to learn more about Scotland - The Land of No Cuisine!

©2000-2005 JB