'Let the Games Begin!'

So, you walk into O'Laferty's pub don't be shocked if you get some good old Irish Pub abuse!

'Ah there you are ... living proof of centuries of 
Irish in-breeding!'

'Isn't it sad when cousins marry!'

This is know as the serve, and is best hit back with a short volley at the net  with an 'Ach away and ...' line - you can choose from these!

'Away and gargle with your mouth shut!'

Don't be fooled - this is what we do for fun! Its called banter and we Irish live for it! If you are going to fit in and not look like a tourist, you will have to learn some other good comebacks! A great start is the old 'D'you ever get the feeling that ...' delived to the barman as you lean over waiting for your whisky.

'D’you get a feeling that guy crept into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching!' or 

'D’you get a feeling that …this boy's oil doesn’t reach the dipstick!'

However, you are still putting the ball back into their court and they might just come back with a quick one ... so knock the proverbial shuttlecock over the club house with a turn to the crowd and a jab that sounds like it is the last word on the subject! 

'I mean what does that man do with his clothing allowance! You'd have thought he became human by correspondence course!' 

And if your opponent  tries to get the rally going again you just wave a hand at him with 'Shhhusht! You are As Much Use As ....'

‘Wheesht man, yer as much use as wooden soap!' 

And then a final jab - 'A moth in yer parachute! or A scorpion in yer tighty-whities! And yer mother swims after cruise ships!' 

Hear excerpt from Hilarious Tales from O'Laferties Pub! Scruffy and the Egg!

So here is the whole thing put together! Patron #1 comes into the bar.

Patron #1 - 'Ah here he is again! Now you know why some mothers eat their young!'

Patron #2 - 'Ach away and check yourself for polyps!'

Patron #1 - 'I look at you and I wonder if anyone else was hurt in the accident!'

Patron #2 - 'Go find your organ grinder.  Yer as much use as roll-on hairspray or an ashtray on motorbike! 

Patron #1, (aside to barman) - 'D’you get a feeling he sniffed too much glue!' - 'Whisky please, and one for my good friend over there!'

Patron #2 - 'Oh thanks a lot, you're a good man! Now how's the wife?'

You see there is no time for a long joke here - Word play is what we are all about. The pub is an arena for fast Irish banter. Long live the quick wit and the love of banter!
The joke is dead! Long live the one liner! 

NEXT = LONG LIVE THE ONE LINER!

  ©2000-2005 JB