|
 Book-clubs;
doggy daycare; radio fundraisers; leaf blowers; snow-blowers; when folk don’t go right on red or pay at
the pump; amateur goatees (with suit and tie);
number of people with VP on their business card; turkey
bacon; streaky bacon;
(anything but Irish back-bacon); Vegas by day; trying to store all those things you bought in bulk; 'Kerby' vacuum cleaner salesmen
in your house; woodpeckers (before 6am); trying to recycle
boxes; the lack of interest in TV snooker; bumper stickers
in point 12 script; all you can eat; waiting for the automatic faucet
with soap on your hands; skunks; the popularity
of Rod Stewart; oh did I mention the bacon; the substitute for the `Lack of Royalty; cars rated on
how well they crash; choosing a college by their football team; “fashion"; fishing shows; bow hunting; anyone
who looks like they spent more than 30 minutes working on their hair;
getting a drinking straw with your whisky; water picks; snorters; always being ‘so 15
minutes ago’; having to be so
PC; decaffeinated-cappuccino-flavoured
non-fat frozen-yogurt; installing a stair-master in a one-story home;
restaurant fish and chips; when
this page is left blank intentionally; when
your conversation may be recorded
for quality purposes;
"You
could be winner - no purchase necessary - details inside"; superfluous grooming of any kind; industrial-diamond engagement
rings; cramp taxi-cabs; rubber necking; beep and
creep; steak knives; eating everything with the left hand; the guilt of
not mailing in the rebate; video
fines; video fines for movies you never even  watched!; that there are no
ads of bored families standing in lines at Disney; the traffic always
going into the city; never having the right
store discount card; ‘if-it-is-not-on-shelves-we-don’t-have-it‘; not knowing whether to choose paper or
plastic;
processed cheese; not being warned about the green chilies; finishing a delicious
Chinese meal with a stale cookie; price of catalogue furniture (even before
the shipping costs); competitive use of holiday lights; not being
able to say the word 'Christmas'; those shiny lips that look like
she just chugged a glass of wood varnish; Paddy
O'Reilly's Olde Irish Pub with a satellite big screen; when magazines
don’t have page numbers so you have to flick through all the ads; those
little grubs that eat all the grass; that distressed look on furniture; adults
who bowl too much; seeing a $300
car and hearing a $1000 stereo; when
something costs
$5 to make, $10 to buy and $80 to repair actually when they charge $70 just to take the
back off!; fat-free muffins; girls
who pretend to be interested in their boyfriend's sports; two
expensive cars in front of a shack; bumper to bumper; competition
between elderly rich to see how small they can breed their dogs; when the
winner lets it ride in their handbag; that I can’t see dentist without
through the cleaning lady; people who think the Gaza strip is a topless
bar and the Tamil Tigers is a football team; when the ‘do not disturb’
sign won’t stay on the hotel door knob; paying $18 for a plate of
lawnmower clippings; that now I can’t fast forward through the credits
on a DVD’s; when ‘old world charm’ means no running water; that a
‘used car’ is now a ‘previously owned vehicle’; when ‘allen key
is included’; daytime drama; when people suddenly start to support a
team when they are winning; (Go Pats!) never
finding tops to Tupperware; that can we only get Tartar ‘under
control’; the pressure to spend independence day with other people;
trying to read that news strip while watching news (which I tuned into cos
I didn’t want to read the news!); when bands don’t sing their big hits
at concerts; people who do 40 in the fast land with their blinkers on;
opening up a yogurt and being told that I should please try again; when a
‘slight tax increase’ costs $200 and ‘substantial tax cut’ saves
me 75c!; ‘putting the English’ on the most French of French when
ordering a ‘croissantwich’; the 3 Pellengrino
lunch; being
driven by taxi  driver who has a better degree than you do;
eating stacks of pancakes without syrup between each pancake; the confusion
created when 'black-tie is optional'; when the
winner takes all; when a whole newspaper page for a bra add;
when shipping costs double
the price of the product; when the national team doesn’t know the words
to their national anthem; when singles drive in the carpool lane and don't
get caught; fish-flavoured bottled water for cats(!); commitment ceremonies; salt
water taffy; that I still don’t
know which one is Garfunkle; children's birthday parties not at home; kitchen drawer filled with take
out menus; when crap new bands screw up a perfectly good Beatles classic;
tongue scrapping; golf carts; when
shows are ‘taped live’; that quotation mark gesture with your fingers
above your head at a tilt; those jeans that look like you just sat down in
the sand ...
©2000-2005 JB
|
